How To Raise Godly Sons
If you’ve listened to our latest All Things Possible episode, you heard an incredibly rich conversation with our friend Dean, who’s spent decades discipling surfers and is now training ministry leaders to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. This conversation wasn’t just about ministry, it was about manhood, marriage, parenting, and the hard but holy work of building a life centered on Jesus.
Honestly, it was one of those chats that made Adam and me both step back and say, “Whoa… we’ve got a lot to think about.”
Dean shared so many gold nuggets, but one theme echoed throughout: Discipleship starts at home.
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that ministry is something that happens out there, whether on a stage, in a church, or with a crowd. But Dean reminded us that if we’re not discipling our own kids, loving our spouse well, or being intentional in our home life, then we’re missing the point. As he said, “It doesn’t matter if I make a million disciples of other people’s kids if I’m not discipling my own.”
That hit home.
Starting with the End in Mind
Dean talked about a concept that’s so powerful for parents: starting with the end in mind. When we hold our babies in our arms, it’s hard to picture the men or women they’ll grow into. But that’s exactly where we need to set our vision. What kind of character do we want to see in our children? What kind of faith? What kind of resilience?
For Dean and his family, this meant developing a definition of godly manhood for his sons at a young age:
A real man loves God
Leads courageously
Rejects passivity
Embraces responsibility
And lives for a greater good—namely, God’s glory
Isn’t that such a powerful framework? And the coolest part? It wasn’t just words. He walked it out with his boys—hiking tough trails like Blood Mountain, facing challenges head-on, and reminding them you can do hard things with Christ.
“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” — Philippians 4:13 (ESV)
Dean gave his boys a little wooden magnet that said “Blood Mountain” after that hike, and years later, when he sent one of them off to college, he tucked it into a note. That magnet wasn’t just a keepsake; it was a reminder of who they are and what they can overcome through Jesus.
Discipleship in Marriage
Dean also shared how marriage, like parenting, is not about coasting. It's about fighting not with each other, but for each other. One thing he said that I especially loved was how he and his wife made rules for how they fight. One rule? “We fight to resolve, not to win.” Yes and amen.
He reminded us that when our spouse thrives, we all win. It’s not about control or convenience—it’s about cultivating a marriage that reflects Christ’s love. And if we want to be thriving years down the road, especially when the kids leave the house, we have to invest in each other now.
Adam and I are so grateful for that reminder. Because wow, life can get full and messy, and it’s easy to drift into survival mode. But God doesn’t call us to just survive marriage. He calls us into oneness.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” — Ephesians 5:31 (ESV)
That means the work of marriage starts with me. With owning my selfishness. With pursuing Jesus first so that I can love Adam well. With choosing to serve, forgive, and celebrate one another—even when it’s hard.
Two Major Takeaways:
1. Discipleship starts at home.
If we want to raise kids who know and love Jesus, we’ve got to show them what that looks like through our own lives. That doesn’t mean being perfect; it means being present, humble, and honest. It means modeling repentance, resilience, and reliance on God.
2. A thriving marriage takes intentionality.
Marriage isn’t just about sticking together—it’s about growing together. That takes work, humility, and grace. But when we pursue oneness, not just survival, we lay a strong foundation for our whole family.
Whether you’re in the thick of parenting littles, navigating the teen years, or preparing for an empty nest season, we hope this episode encouraged you to lean into God’s strength. He’s faithful to fill the gaps and give us grace for the journey. And just like Dean reminded us, kids don’t need perfect parents. They need consistent ones. Ones who chase after Jesus and bring their families along for the ride.
Let’s be those parents. Let’s be those spouses. Let’s live lives that point to the goodness of God.
Aloha and blessings,
—Bethany 💛
