Teen Anxiety & the screen trap
Social Media, Anxiety, and Our Daughters: Protecting Their Hearts
As parents, our hearts ache when we see our children burdened with worries they were never meant to carry. Today’s generation of teens—especially young girls—are facing a storm unlike any before: social media. While technology can be a blessing in some ways, it also has the power to shape, distort, and even wound the hearts of our daughters if we’re not watchful.
In a recent conversation with Chris McKenna from Protect Young Eyes, Adam and I dove deep into the growing anxiety and stress among families, especially teenage girls, and the link to social media use. The research is sobering: since around 2012, graphs show an alarming “hockey stick” rise in anxiety, self-harm, and decreased life satisfaction among teen girls.
Why girls? Because they are relational at their core. God designed them to long for connection, affirmation, and love. These are good desires—but when those desires are channeled through the “disembodied” connections of social media, they are left empty, confused, and often deeply hurt.
Chris reminded us that in the same way pornography masquerades as intimacy for boys, social media masquerades as connection for girls. It whispers lies: “You’re not good enough. You’re not as pretty. You’re not valuable.” Those whispers can begin to shape the very way our daughters see themselves—and even alter their brains physiologically.
I’ve witnessed this firsthand. In my Mother-Daughter experiences, I noticed how obvious it was which girls were heavy social media users. They carried themselves differently, often more sexualized, more self-conscious, and less free to just be kids. In contrast, the girls less engaged with social media had a different light about them. It was striking.
And yet, this is the reality we live in: many young teens are spending upwards of 8 hours a day on social media, picking up their phones hundreds of times. Research even shows this constant stimulation rewires their brains—making them hypersensitive to social interactions, less able to regulate emotions, and more prone to anxiety.
As parents, this is heartbreaking. But it is not hopeless.
God has entrusted these precious souls to us. And He has given us His Word as a firm foundation against the shaky ground of comparison and insecurity. When the world screams, “You’re not enough,” the Lord says:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.” – Isaiah 43:1 (ESV)
That truth—that our children are loved, known, and chosen—must be the foundation we build their lives upon.
So what do we do?
Some parents ask: Should I just ban social media altogether? Chris wisely shared: there is no harm in delaying. No study has shown that waiting to give your child social media causes damage. Quite the opposite—waiting protects them during these critical years of development. If you can, wait as long as possible.
And while each family must discern what works best, here are some steps that can help:
Model balance. Our kids notice how often we pick up our phones. Let’s show them what it looks like to live embodied, connected, and present.
Prioritize real-life connection. Studies show that teen girls with rich, in-person friendships are more resilient against the harms of social media. Encourage time outdoors, sports, church groups, and family traditions.
Be the pilot, not the passenger. Parents, you are the leader in your home. Don’t be afraid to make hard decisions for the sake of your child’s long-term holiness rather than their short-term happiness. As Chris said, we’re not responsible for their current happiness, but for their holiness.
Ground them in God’s truth. Speak Scripture over your children. Remind them that their worth is not in selfies or likes but in being a beloved child of God.
I was struck by Chris’s reminder that social media companies don’t care about our children’s hearts. In fact, whistleblowers have confirmed they profit by targeting teens when they feel insecure. But we serve a God who loves our children more than we ever could. He calls us to steward their lives well, even if it means saying “no” to cultural norms that are harmful.
As I look back on my own journey—losing my arm at 13 and facing a tidal wave of challenges—what steadied me was my connection to my family and, most importantly, my foundation in Christ. That same firm foundation is what our children need today.
Parents, let’s be bold. Let’s not trade true connection for cheap imitations. Let’s guide our daughters away from the whispers of “not enough” and into the eternal truth of God’s love.
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock.” – Matthew 7:24 (ESV)
Key Takeaways
Delaying social media is not harmful—in fact, it’s protective. Teen girls thrive best when they are grounded in real-life connections and kept from the toxic whispers of online comparison.
Our responsibility is not their short-term happiness but their long-term holiness. Root their identity in Christ, model healthy habits, and lead with courage.
