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My Life /
July 20, 2021

How Do We Stay Connected? How Can You?

You all might know that I am all about adapting! It is key to living a resilient and Unstoppable life.

If you embrace adaptation you are equipped to handle anything that comes your way because “the only constant in life is change”. Adaptation is needed to stay connected in marriage as well! (Even if you aren’t married, you can apply what I’m about to share to other important relationships in your life.)

On a Live Q&A last fall Adam and I were asked how we stay connected as a couple with young children! We know this question was asked because this is a common challenge for busy families with multiple jobs and children and constant demands. You can listen in to our impromptu answer below, or watch on YouTube here.

The heart of our answer is commitment and adaptation.

The demands and obligations of life will never stop calling, so it is up to all of us to prioritize our most important relationships and make the time. For Adam and me, dating looks different with each new stage of life. We can’t date like we used to before kids, and it even looks different with every little guy we’ve added to our family. The ways we connected before don’t necessarily work now – and that’s OK! This is where creativity and adaptation come in.

Lately we try to make coffee in the morning together and have our talk time after the children are asleep. As Adam said in the clip, we try to multi-task. We find activities that are life-giving and we connect while doing those activities – from massage for tired muscles, working out together, to games, even an occasional TV show or movie can be connecting time if we laugh or debrief together. Date nights are rare for us, but when we do, help and support is often necessary in order to prioritize that connection. Whether it is “sitter-sharing” with friends, or a grandparent, or a paid babysitter, I encourage you to make dating and connection time a priority in your calendar, your budget, and with your energy. Even just a half or whole hour here or there can make a big difference in your relationship!

 

The important thing isn’t what you do – it is that you take and make the time to do something together. It could be a walk, a grocery store run, reading a book out loud together, games, a candlelight “at-home” dinner date when the house is quiet. There can be a lot of fun and romance in getting creative and working with the circumstances you have!

ALSO…Filling your own cup, or taking turns covering the kids so a spouse can fill their cup may be the place you need to start in order to connect. Sometimes time apart (to exercise, sleep, just be alone for a few minutes) is needed first in order to come together in a better and healthier way.

Take some time to think about how you can creatively adapt and prioritize your relationship in order to make it connected and lovingly unstoppable!

Journal It:

The world, technology, children, jobs, household responsibilities will all try to keep you apart – what can you do to stay connected?

What are your favorite things to do together?

How can you adapt your dating for the stage of life you are in? What expectations or norms need to be adjusted in order to make space for new ways of connecting?

Reflect on these questions and write down your thoughts.

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