Conflict…a word that can send us running, freezing, or fighting!
Oh, there have been many moments of conflict in my lifetime that I haven’t been exactly sure how to handle. Even just the other day, I had a situation with my mom that made me want to run away. But we can always learn right?!
On a recent ‘Ohana Mother Daughter Experience Live Event, we brought in an expert guest, Colleen O’Grady, who is a licensed professional counselor, life coach, speaker, author, and podcast host, to share her YEARS of wisdom and hands on experience navigating conflict and dialing down the drama; specifically as it relates to the mother daughter relationship.
Truth is, we all face some level of conflict every day amongst our many life relationships; the ones with our family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and even strangers. How cool is it when we get reminders and refreshment to practice healthy communication. I know that I need it!
Colleen’s practical tips were tools in our tool belts for building healthy communication habits. She shared how we can “name to tame” the emotions we are facing and then choose how to respond after a “plan” is made.
Here is that clip:
The idea that we can flip our thoughts, or “Train our Mind” has always been something that has intrigued, challenged and encouraged me.
Gabby Reece, one of my Unstoppable Life course guests, talked about this when she said “If I flip me, I flip my environment.” It’s very easy for us to be negative, but how powerful, freeing and joyful it can be when we flip those negative or cynical thoughts upside down for better!
As Colleen points out in the video clip, teenagers especially can be susceptible to black and white thinking.
For example, “Nobody likes me, everyone hates me.” Or “No one is nice,” “I don’t have any friends,” “I look strange.” But those types of thoughts or feelings don’t really help us at all, do they? And they can even contribute to an area of conflict with the people in our lives.
One of our mother & daughters’ comments in the chat was so spot on, I had to highlight it here:
“Feelings are always REAL, but not always RELIABLE”
-Kayla and Ginger
The cool thing is, we can FLIP those thoughts by intentionally choosing to think a positive thought around that situation or feeling.
So, instead of, “I have no friends,” we choose to think, “actually, I have four friends.” And we can turn “no one is nice to me” into looking for and being grateful for even one small act of kindness from others. Instead of running from those feelings, or running from that conflict, we can choose to calmly and thoughtfully flip our thoughts and respond with reason.
In the situation with my own mom, I ended up taking a breather then going to sit with her and talk it out until we resolved our dispute.
Choose a calm & thoughtful approach when you face conflict today. Sending love your way today!
P.S. Colleen has several resources, even a new one focused on a daughter’s transition to adulthood, which can be even more stressful on mothers and daughters than the teen years. In Dial Up the Dream, a follow-up to her bestseller Dial Down the Drama, Colleen helps moms navigate this tumultuous time with an essential guidebook to this stage of life and that evolving mother-daughter relationship. Check out her resources!
To learn more about the ‘Ohana Mother Daughter Experience, click here.
